Clare County Review & Marion Press

Pat’s Bits and Pieces: Idle thoughts and memories


Jack says we are both hoarders. I wouldn’t go that far, you can make your way through our home pretty easily, but we do tend to save things that we should probably throw out. I guess that’s why it was so hard when we had to downsize and the reason there’s still bins and bins of “stuff” in the garage. So much stored in fact, that Jack had to build shelves along both side walls and across the back… and now I can’t remember what is in them…
Here in the office, I have a file full of old “bit”s columns (for inspiration on those days when the mind is blank, something that happens pretty often these days) and also some by other newspaper columnists that wrote for the Review over the years. I came across this one by Bill Ferrell, written many years ago, that made me smile. It is still timely, entertaining and true, so thought I would share it with you.
Outta My Mind:
Facts learned
about life:
*Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
*There is always a lot to be thankful for if you make the time to look. For example, I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles do not hurt.
*One reason to smile is that every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
*Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
*The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere – and let the air out of their tires.
*Families are like fudge … mostly sweet with a few nuts.
*Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
*Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
*My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
*If you can remain calm, you just do not have all of the facts.
Reasons the English
language is so hard
to learn:
*The bandage was wound around the wound.
*The farm was used to produce produce.
*The dump was so full that it had to refuse refuse.
*He could lead if he would get the lead out.
*The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
*Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
*A bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
*When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
*I did not object to the object.
*The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
*There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
*they were too close to the door to close it.
*The buck does funny things when the does are present.
Bill has been gone for many years, but I still miss his wit and crazy humor.
My thanks to reader Virginia Dalton who, after reading my column in the April 28th issue, felt she just had to report on her experience with cattails. It made me chuckle, so I have to share. She wrote:
“Years ago, my husband and I were driving through the countryside and I spotted cattails growing in an area fairly close to the road. I wanted to pick some and bring them home. I had a tall vase, so I put the cattails in it (no water) and stuck the vase in a corner. It was rather decorative there … I didn’t pay much attention to it until one day as I was cleaning up, I accidently bumped into it. It was like the fourth of July without color! Those darn things just exploded all over the place. Talk about a mess. Word to the wise. If you see cattails somewhere, Leave them alone!”
Unfortunately, I see them every day around here – and, “Yes Virginia,” I don’t touch them either…

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