Danielle Pequet, director of the Jackson County Department on Aging, took a seat with some of the senior citizens who gather at the Crouch Center, one of the county’s several senior citizen centers.
By Ken Wyatt
“Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.” – Dr. Paul Tournier, “Learn to Grow Old.”
+++
It is one thing to write about aging when you’re young, seeing the process from a distance. It is another matter to write about aging when you’re neck-deep in its challenges.
That’s me – a 79-year-old journalist looking at one of life’s certainties from a perspective that makes objectivity virtually impossible. Rather than write about my own experience in aging, I’m sharing some insights culled from observing how others have engaged in the challenges of aging:
Acceptance and Resignation. The quote above is from a 1991 book I read soon after retirement. It highlights a choice all face as they age – acceptance vs. resignation.
I’ve watched other aging people respond to difficulties such as loss of a mate, debilitating disease, loss of mental acuity. Sometimes, faced with that which calls for a lively response, people lose heart, resigning themselves to that which requires an energetic response. In such situations – resignation can mean premature decline and death.
Other times – with a terminal diagnosis, for example – acceptance doesn’t always look the same as resignation.
Recently we lost a friend who suffered with Parkinson’s disease for 22 years. He might have justifiably resigned himself to the claims of the disease, but he never seemed to do so. He accepted the reality Parkinson’s brought his way, did what he could to deal with its effects. Until his dying days, he had a sharp mind. Though his body failed him, he used his mind and wisdom to encourage visitors, to think and reason the scriptures with them and express gratitude to all who rendered care and visited him.
He accepted his lot as from the hand of God, and he never communicated the despair of one who was resigned to fate.
Solitude. We’ve known many an aging person who suffered the loss of a husband or wife. Two years ago, my wife and I were accompanied on our trip to Norway by a 90-year-old woman who had lost a son from COVID-19 and her husband in a heart attack in the same year.
Some do better than others in that solitary life after loss of a spouse. I’ve heard from some of them that the most difficult time can come during the hours of sleep, when the absence of their loved one in the bed next to them makes solitude especially hard to bear.
Those I’ve observed who did well have chosen to involve themselves in the activities and company of others.
One of the feature stories I wrote for The Recorder years ago focused on a group of aging women who met weekly at the M-60 Grill for breakfast. They all had one thing in common – the premature death of a husband.
They called themselves the widows club. But their meals together were no “pity party.” When I asked if they had any wisdom to impart to others who have lost a spouse, there were moments of silence … then one of them piped up, “Just keep going.”
Dementia. Decades ago, we lost a friend who had a great sense of humor. She ended her days in the Jackson County Medical Care Facility. We sometimes heard her quote a line from a Mark Twain poem, which says so much about aging and the impact on the mind: “Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most.” Sadly, her humor faded as she went more deeply into dementia toward the end of her life.
Right now, we’re close to couples grappling with the dementia of a spouse. It is one of the most challenging roles anyone can experience.
The role of caregiver takes all the physical, mental and spiritual resources a person has. A recent online report says: “For spousal caregivers of patients with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, a frequently cited statistic suggests that up to 40 percent may die before the person they are caring for.”
One of those caregivers, whose husband suffers from Lewy body dementia, expresses some of her heart on Facebook, where the other day she posted a meme with these words, “Sometimes you just have to bow your head, say a prayer, and weather the storm.”
Home or Institution? I serve on the 10-member board of WellWise Services Area Agency on Aging, which oversees programs for the aging in Jackson, Hillsdale and Lenawee County. Our mission is to help the aging in our counties remain independent as long as possible.
Since I’m one of five members who represent Jackson County, the other day I stopped by the Jackson County Department on Aging offices to speak with Director Danielle Pequet about some of the common issues of aging residents.
Her insights are full of accrued wisdom. We talked about the issues I’ve addressed above – acceptance vs. resignation, solitude, dementia. So many of the services available through WellWise, and the departments on aging echo a theme in our conversation – the importance of others.
It helps those who are aging to share conversation with others in the same boat. Senior centers provide a venue for such fellowship.
So after our conversation, Danielle and I visited the dining area of the Crouch Center, where some seniors sat playing cards. Danielle asked if any of them minded having their photo taken for an article in The Recorder/Morning Star. They all happily agreed, and a couple of others joined the table.
The solitary man at the table was wearing a U.S. Army cap, and the two of us briefly compared notes on our service for Uncle Sam.
That’s the way things can go in a senior center: People with lots of life experiences sharing with each other. Danielle acknowledged that not all seniors are wired the same way. Some shy away from groups and prefer to stay at home. And as she pointed out, you take people as they are. There are many ways to serve those learning how to grow old.
Both WellWise Services Area Agency on Aging and the Jackson County Department on Aging can be viewed as marketplaces of services. Check out their websites and you’ll find a wide range of programs available.
-http://www.co.jackson.mi.us/619/Department-on-Aging / 517-788-4364
-wellwiseservices.org / (517) 592-1975
