By Scott Sullivan
Editor
Protest Contest
I was sorry to miss the Satanic Temple’s invocation before last week’s Ottawa County Board meeting. When I looked at both sides, clouds got in my way.
Ordained Minister of Satan Luis Cypher called on the hosts to reject what is supernatural and accept what’s rational while, outside in the hall, Christian protestors sang hymns and chanted “We love Jesus.”
One held a sign that said “Satan has no rights.” Another drove south from Hart to appear in a Donald Trump mask. Rebekkah Curran, an Ottawa Impact commissioner, passed out cookies in packets with “John 3:16” stickers on them.
After Cypher amened with “Hail Satan,” who is not supernatural, and wished all a lovely evening, it was on to the business of government and most people left.
What a contest: In one corner, Ottawa Impact members protested Covid shutdowns, wokeness and debilitating inclusiveness imposed by an over-reaching government and got elected to same positions.
In the other, rivals seeing Jesus turn tables on them as He did those of moneychangers’ in temple courts, per both Matthew and Mark, toppling dove-sellers’ benches too.
OI “Let Freedom Ring” restrictions included one excluding non-approved clergy from delivering pre-meeting meditations. One passed-over pastor sued for not letting him co-opt their rites with an LGBTQ rights spiel.
OI, seeing this as bad optics for freedom of religion stalwarts, then opted to open opening rites to all county faith groups — Satanic, sincere, you name it.
Protesting protests is as American as it gets. No one likes how screwed up things are. Trouble is, few protests are for anything except vagaries like “hope and change” or “a better way” which may turn out worse. The lone contest left is who protests best.
I have a dog but his name’s not “Jingo.” That, per Dictionary.com, is “a person, who professes patriotism loudly and excessively; favoring vigilant preparedness for war and an aggressive foreign policy; a belligerent chauvinist.” A sabre rattler who sends other people’s kids off to war while making sure theirs get deferments.
Some say the mild oath “by jingo” equates to “by God” or “Jesus,” but why name a dog that when there is “Bingo” as in the song or game played in halls such as Ottawa’s where contestants use lines of letters instead of numbers to write “Satan has no rights” since all rites are theirs?
I am still not sure which side wins. It’s like the Trump trial — he has more than Job — this one where the ex-prez is charged with paying off porn actress Stormy Daniels to keep mum about their alleged fling. That sin’s not original, nor is hers reneging, so his lawyers fought back trying to poke holes in David Pecker’s testimony.
Ex-National Enquirer publisher Pecker has acknowledged the grocery store tabloid used a “catch and kill” policy, burying dirt bought or dug up on Trump while employing same to smear presidential rivals. It’s like “Kramer vs. Kramer” except with Peckers.
How much would Pecker poke back re: conflicting statements he’d made about whether the ex-prez thanked him? The ex-pub held firm at least one of his statements was right: “I know what the truth is.”
We too know the truth is out there thanks to the “X-Files,” fiction being the only way we can handle it. With a fresh battery of elections to assault us this fall, we must do due diligence reading the Enquirer so we can vote wisely. Don’t forget Snickers bars on nearby rack to help stuff your cart while you’re waiting.
Which is why I was pleased to read Trump VP hopeful Kristi Noem has come clean about killing her puppy Cricket for killing neighbors’ chickens.
“I hated that dog,” the South Dakota governor wrote in her new bio-manifesto “No Going Back: The Truth on What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward.” Cricket was “untrainable,” Noem explained. Well, she couldn’t train her, but at least Noem didn’t name her puppy “Jingo.”
“If you want more real, honest and politically incorrect stories that’ll have the media gasping, preorder ‘No Going Back,’” Noem kept hyping her book and brand.
Protest contests go back and forth, feeding on and sustaining each other with no threat of resolution. Where can I get a good buy on freed doves these days?
