American psychiatrist William Glasser, mid-1960s founder of Reality Therapy and author of “Choice Theoryy,” died more than a decade ago. He was never well received by followers of Freud, Jung and others in his field.
According to one story, Glasser had a young patient who was troublesome. His parents had taken him from one psychiatrist to another, and none of it was successful.
Glasser read the case notes and told the youth in so many words, “We both know you’re a miserable kid.’ Sharing the gist of the notes, Glasser told him he had choices to make and wanted to know he would do about it.
No one had talked to the youth like that before, and it caught his attention. It did not take long for him to start making changes because he was given a choice.
He could either stay the way he was and probably end up in jail or a morgue, or he could change his life. It was a sharp wake-up call, and apparently the young patient took it to heart.
Imagine an adult talking that way to a child today. When Glasser began writing about his theories and practice, only 12 percent of teenagers believed they were truly important and destined for greatness. Today more than 80 percent do.
For many of them, it brings a sense of entitlement that is toxic. With that wild shift in statistics, we have become quicker to blame something or someone else for our problems.
It’s “them evil Democrats” or “wicked Republicans” who make my life miserable. It’s the Federal Reserve, public policy, the immigrants (legal and illegal) …
It’s the Baby Boomers who won’t die quickly enough so the younger generations can get their inheritance. Worse, it’s the Baby Boomers who go on cruises, play golf and go out for dinner who are ruining our future by spending “our” inheritance.
Glasser’s method was to look at the patient for an uncomfortably long time, then growl, “Oh, grow up and take responsibility for yourself.” He would not write prescriptions for medications to numb someone to their pain but tell them to get to work making changes that will improve their life.
Oh, the poor dears might have to engage their brains to make choices, then roll up their sleeves and get to work instead of having everything handed to them.
The harsh reality is that even if we do everything right, there is no guarantee we will be exceptional or successful.
Somerset Maugham’s short story “The Verger” told of an older man who had an important but low-paying job at a prestigious church in London. When the new vicar discovered his verger was illiterate, he gave him a month to learn how to read and write.
The date came, the verger had not made sufficient progress and was fired. Lonely, depressed and worried, he walked home and realized that the street did not have a tobacconist. He started a business, and it did so well that he opened a chain of stores.
When his bank manager found out he could not read or write, he exclaimed, “Just imagine where you would be today if you knew how to read!” The now-millionaire said, “Oh, I’d probably be the verger at my old church.”
That is more than a fairy tale; it happens in real life too. Early last June an executive with a large advertising agency told of having to lay off half a dozen employees a year ago. One left in tears, worried about her financial future.
A year later, she made an appointment to see him, walked into his office with shoulders back and a smile on her face to thank him for firing her.
She had taken a day or so to pull herself together, send out her résumés and soon found another job where she is far more successful than she could have been just weeks earlier
The real secret for success or failure is the bathroom mirror. When you look at it, what do you see and what do you want to see?
Often what we want to see is greatness looking back at us. We want to be a great athlete, businessperson or something else. In fact we want to be a GOAT — Greatest Of All Time.
It strikes me we’ve got our priorities askew. Our culture doles out accolades to the Greats and GOATS when we would be better off thinking of “good” as the highest achievement we should strive for -— the good man or woman, the good businessperson, the good athletes who works to achieve the best their life’s course brings them.
Good people don’t cut corners or put themselves first because they have an inner core and the right tincture of humility in their soul.
They want to do the right thing, the good thing. They quietly influence, improve lives and make the world, if just incrementally, a better place.
