Growing up, each year our family went to the “Great Minnesota Get Together,” better known as the State Fair. We toured the buildings, looked at the agriculture displays and livestock, and usually ate lunch at the Hamline United Methodist Church food booth. The Olds picked that place because we were Methodists and they felt obligated to be supportive. Besides, as Father would whisper, “They do a good job washing their hands.” That was his way of saying there was a reasonable and holy hope we would not die of “toenail,” (ptomaine) poisoning, or get sick from eating a “sam and ella” bowl of tuna hot dish. Only after we had eaten would we make our annual route march through the Midway on our way back to the parking lot. We never did any of the rides except for the “Old Mill” which was decidedly lame.
Besides, the real amusement at the fair were the politicians. They all attended and spoke in eloquent terms about how wonderful the fair was, how friendly everyone seemed to be, and so on. Superlatives only, please! The Republicans had one day; the Democrats another, but their shtick was always the same. They would wander around in front of their booth, mixing with the crowd, and doing a lot of “glad handing” to encourage people to vote for them. They always seemed to have a smile plastered on to their feet. Once they had a crowd gathered, they would stand up on the stage to give a short speech.
The whole idea was to say, “I’m just a regular guy, just like you. You drive a Chevy? Yeah? Well, so do I. We’ve got to support American auto makers. Even if you drove a Chevy and I drove a Ford, we support American workers, right?” “Say, you use an Allis Chalmers combine? My neighbor down the road has one and he says it’s a great machine. You think when I need to get a new one I should buy an Allis Chalmers, or do you think a John Deere would be better?” Nothing like securing a vote by having a constituent help them out on a tough question!
The funniest part was that most of these politicians and candidates who had white-collar jobs and whose work clothes consisted of a three-piece suit, would turn up at the fair in blue jeans and a plaid work shirt, with the sleeves rolled up. I am sure the visual message was “I am just like you – a hard working American.” Somehow, they lost the plot with high gloss polish on their shoes, creases in their jeans, and a stiff new shirt that hadn’t been washed a few times to fade out the intense color.
It is all showmanship and performance art, and often, it did not work all that well.
Once the winners get elected and sworn in, they have to go to work. I wonder if they ever think about that part of life. Nor do I ever cease to be astounded at what some of our elected officials can come up with to look busy and convince us they are earning their keep. Part of it, I believe, is our fault because we hire them. They justify their salary and expense account by writing, co-authoring, and otherwise creating new legislation. It is too much like university professors who live under the harsh dictum of ‘publish or perish.’ Sometimes, the subject is not very important; sometimes it is not well-written or thoroughly reviewed by their peers; more often than not their paper or report ends up in some very obscure publication. For some of them, it does not matter: Getting their paper or book published is all that counts. Legislators of all branches do much the same thing.
The big difference is that when a prof writes a paper, we can more or less ignore it if it is not appealing. When our elected officials write something it becomes a law, and it almost always costs us something, whether it is our cash or our freedoms.
Many of them seem to believe that this sort of work gives them a bit more ‘credibility’ when the next election rolls around. They can say that they were busy fighting for us when they introduced a number of bills, usually to reform something whether or not it needs reforming. The claim of trying to reform hot topic issues, such as taxes, gun control, elections, or education because it gets good publicity. Never mind that their pet project never gets assigned to a subcommittee so it can work its way up the chain. Never mind that if it does get into a committee it dies a slow death from lack of interest. The rallying cry is, “I am fighting for you, and I introduced….” It is all for the bragging rights and political theater.
Frankly, I wish they would just stop it. Instead of focusing on the big stuff, let’s go straight for the small potatoes. Let’s distract them from anything that might lead them into thinking they are better than the rest of us.
When Pope Francis died some 150 plus national leaders were in Rome for the funeral. Why wasn’t there a careful analysis on the ratio of suit coats with one or two vent flaps, or none at all? I think we deserve an answer. Someone should stick a microphone in their faces and take this up with them. Then, perhaps someone can analyze and predict what this will say about the future of the stock market or international relations. It’s about as good an explanation as anything else. It is only fair; for decades financial analysts have looked at the rise and fall of hemlines on skirts and dresses to conjure up a prediction for the Dow.
We need an investigation into their shoelaces. Do they wear loafers or dress shoes with 5 or 6 holes for the laces. And to look sharp, do they use a steam iron to press their laces. Now, this is serious stuff. Back in 1952 when Adlai Stevenson was running against Eisenhower, he was seen with one leg over the knee of the other, and a hole in the sole of his shoe on full display. It was a hot topic of discussion, proving’ one way or the other about his qualities for the Oval Office.
Or, the gas problem. No, I do not mean gasoline or natural gas for heating. I am referring to the very personal gaseous gastro-intestinal system. We never hear any reports on this (and yes, that pun is intended). What are their secrets? Do they scrupulously avoid beans and beer for a certain number of days before they stand in front of an audience Do they have to go to school to learn the best practices of confronting this issue?
Let’s face it: If a candidate wants to convince us that he is just like us, then what is his or her advice on the topic?
Maybe someday, someone far less inhibited than me, will ask those challenging questions. That will be the day when we start seeing the curtain come down on all of the political theater, and we will all be the better for it.
