Recently, I was stunned by a fellow church goer who witnessed another fellow church goer verbally criticizing a parent whose preschool children were not paying attention, but playing. The message was, “You need to make your kids behave! They bother me.” My heart sank. This incident reminded me of how strict my parents were about behavior at mass, taking my own children to church at St. Henry in Rosebush, and being so thankful that they didn’t misbehave, much.
Luckily, my children, while not being perfect, didn’t create much concern. One of them immediately fell asleep until mass was over. Another sucked her thumb, and the third just needed to be held. When they did misbehave, no one complained. We were blessed to be one of many families who brought young children to mass, and I think we genuinely enjoyed having them in church. All of our children were a joy, and mass would not have been the same without them.
I have heard that more than one family stopped going to church, not because their children were not perfect, but because they were fearful and stressed, that they and their children would bother others. These families did not give up believing and going to church. They simply went to another church where they felt accepted and less stressed.
At St. Henry, we once had a priest who was so accepting of children that when a toddler walked up to the altar during mass, he simply picked him up, held him and continued with mass. When the kid wanted down, he put him down and he returned to his mother. No fuss, not problem.
How to manage children at church has always been a problem. Even the Apostles tried to keep children away from Jesus. His response was to invite the “little children” to come to him, “Unless you become like little children, you cannot enter the Kingdom!” A common saying is that the church that is not crying is dying.
Children!? I say bring them on! One of the major roles of any parish is to accept and support young families. Rather than being critical, our response ought to be joy. Our attitude ought to be welcoming. I personally want to invite all young families with children to come to mass. One person once said to me that the best homily he ever heard was a baby crying. I love seeing the children at mass! There is nothing more joyful for me than to be in the company of young children at mass-even if they misbehave. They make my day.
I never, ever want to hear of a young family coming to church and not being welcome. It breaks my heart. There is no greater sin than to chase a family away from church by our critical and unwelcoming attitude.
“May the Lord bless and keep you. May he let his face shine upon you, be gracious to you and give you his peace.”
