Not long ago a person gave me an answer to what happens when he is at adoration in church before the crucifix and the exposition of the Eucharist in the monstrance. The answer was simple, but not simplistic. He said, “I become present to Jesus and Jesus becomes present to me. I look at Jesus and he looks at me.” On Holy Thursday I heard a homily where the priest said that Jesus wanted only one thing when he went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray, “Stay with me. Be with me.”
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to one another and God is simply to be with each other and God. It doesn’t sound like much, but it is so important. About a year ago I had one of the worse migraine headaches ever. The symptoms included blurred and partial loss of vision, nausea, incongruent speech, inability to think and concentrate, loss of feeling in extremities and a racing heart. Mary Jo took me to the emergency room where all manner of tests were done. I also received medication and an IV of saline solution.
To everyone’s relief, no stroke. In a few hours I was exhausted, but pretty much back to normal. I went home to rest. Pondering on this incident, I realize more than ever how important it was for me to have Mary Jo with me, along with the medical staff who tended me. I saw the ER nurse later that week at church and she simply said, “I was really worried about you.” How often do we hear those words of genuine concern?
Which brings me back to the crucifix. I see a crucifix many times a day. I have one on my living room wall, another above my bed, on the many rosaries I have, and hanging above the altar at church. I see them everywhere. I even wear one around my neck, but do I really become present to Jesus and what he did for me, or do I kind of just notice that it is there without really looking at it.
Recently, I became aware that I wasn’t really looking at the crucifix, but just noticing it without being present to Jesus there. How many times have I looked at Jesus on the cross and not seeing him? I might as well have been looking at a piece of artwork, or furniture. I have changed a little. Now when I see a crucifix I try to take a little time to just look at it. I notice the nails in the feet and hands; I notice the cut in his side. I feel the thorns in his head. His head is bent down and he is dead. I am fighting the tendency to just notice and look away. I’m trying to look up, to notice and see the bleeding feet, the hands, the side, and head. It is no longer enough to notice Jesus on the cross, but to really see him and become present to him.
I challenge you. The next time you see a crucifix, don’t just notice it, but spend some time looking at it. Could Jesus be saying to you, “I am worried about you.”? I don’t know what Jesus will say to you, maybe nothing. Yet, for me, the Crucifix says everything. Look at Jesus. What is he saying to you?
“May the Lord bless and keep you. May he let his face shine upon you, be gracious to you and give you his peace.”
