Dealing with anxiety has never been a thing I do well. Especially now that I am retired. Being a psychologist and helping others deal with anxiety and depression was one of the ways I dealt with my own anxiety and other emotional issues. In school and in practice I learned more ways to deal with these issues than I can ever remember. One of the side effects of helping others was that I was distracted from my own. I don’t think that hindered my ability to assist others. I am great at what I do. Yet it is another thing to confront my own issues. At least once per week I awake in the middle of the night almost panicky with anxiety dreams.
Many years ago, a good friend named Alice said to me, that when I wake up like that I should pray. She said, “Maybe when that happens, it is just God calling you to pray.” One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard! So, now that I am retired, that is exactly what I do.
Recently, in one of those very early morning prayer sessions with God, three words came to mind. They were repent, rejoice, and relax. What God seemed to be telling me is that I need to repent and ask forgiveness for any sin I committed in the past, even if I have already asked forgiveness. I simply say to God, “What is it I need to ask forgiveness for?” It is amazing what sin might come to mind. While we are all victims of other people’s sins, none of us is innocent of harming others, or even ourselves. Sometimes all I can do is ask Jesus to be the Lord of that area of my life, knowing that with his grace, I am freed of it.
Then, knowing that my relationship with God is healed a little, I can rejoice. I am free to be myself as I progress towards being the person he created me to be. While not perfected, hopefully I am better than I was. For me, growing in holiness is a never-ending process. I am running a good race, but I probably won’t win the gold medal, or maybe even finish the race. I am giving it my best. God will accomplish the rest.
Then I relax, even if just for a little bit. I call upon St. Michael the Archangel to protect me from Satan, who would like me to just drown in my sinfulness and never be forgiven. Satan knows our weaknesses, and knows just where to catch us off guard and steal our joy. The battle continues, but with the grace of God I can relax. I remind myself that I belong to Jesus, am acceptable to him, and loved, no matter what. I may not always be successful, but I hope to remain faithful and live eternally with him. May I always praise God.
“May the Lord bless and keep you. May he let his face shine upon you, be gracious to you and give you his peace.”
