George Carlin was a comedian, who at times was someone you wouldn’t want to take your mother to see. Other times he made a lot of sense. Here are some of his more famous quotes:
- “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
- “What if there were no hypothetical questions?”
- “If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?”
- “If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him….is he still wrong?”
- “Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?”
- “If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?”
- “Would a fly without wings be called a walk?”
- “If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?”
- “Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?”
- “Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?”
The Explanation of Life
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back the like the dog did?” And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why, for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves, for the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family, for the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren, and for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
See you Out and About!
Norm Stutesman lives in Three Rivers. He receives mail at P.O. Box 103 in Three Rivers.
