If you haven’t already heard, as of this date, I still have not had my by-pass surgery. It seems that the people at Priority Health have not communicated with each other and as a result, have not approved my surgery. Therefore, we are playing the “waiting game”. My surgeon has been almost as upset as I am. Meanwhile, please enjoy these columns and I’ll keep you all advised. This waiting experience will provide at least one good column later.
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
- The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
- A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
- Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
- The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
- The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
- Butterflies taste with their feet.
- The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
- Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
- An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
- Starfish have no brains.
Here are 11 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity: - Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
- Specify that your drive-thru order is “To Go”.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a Poetry Recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON, I WON!!”
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY’RE LOOSE!!”
- Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
See you Out and About!
Norm Stutesman lives in Three Rivers. He receives mail at P.O. Box 103 in Three Rivers.
