By Scott Sullivan
Editor
Florida Man
The onset of winter brings to mind Florida man, inspired by sunshine, moonshine and other substances to achieve feats such as:
- Breaking into a jail to visit friends, but greeted by guards instead with stun guns.
- Throwing a live alligator through a Wendy’s drive-in-window.
- Having sex with a miniature horse.
- And so on.
The Ecorse, Mich., man busted Nov. 12 for having an alligator, 500 grams of meth, 10 of heroin, 6 of cocaine, 371 of various pills and nine firearms was a wannabe in comparison.
This year has been another winner for Florida man. Headlines so far in 2024:
Down by Law
- Naked Florida man humps tree, punches deputy.
- Shirtless Florida man found climbing tree “like Tarzan” after police chase.
- Florida man arrested for pooping on opossum in public.
- Florida man’s joyride in stolen ambulance ends at sheriff’s office.
- Florida man, 57, arrested and booked into same jail for 75th time since 1985.
- Florida man/mayor smokes crack, eats meth, practices medicine without license, fires on SWAT team.
- Drunk Florida man arrested for fist fight with gas pump, then picks fight with wall.
- Florida man with “All Gas, No Brakes” tattoo on neck crashes while fleeing police.
- Florida man who lied about identity arrested after forgetting who he said he was.
- Florida man tries to trick police with “I don’t live here” sign.
- Florida man with BAC over 3 times legal limit crashes lawnmower into cop car.
Mi Casa es Su Casa
- Florida man accused of jumping naked on neighbor’s trampoline before breaking into the home.
- Florida man breaks into house, cleans it and leaves behind origami.
• Florida man breaks into home, sucks on sleeping man’s toes. - Florida man impersonates FBI agent, harasses homeowner, leaves live catfishes on driveway, flees on bicycle.
- Florida man dressed as FBI pistol-whips haunted house host with BB gun.
- Florida man breaks into home, steals alcohol, poops on floor, falls asleep on couch.
All in the Family
- Florida man arrested for throwing spaghetti sauce at his mother.
- Florida man attacks mom with corn on the cob.
- Florida man attacks parents over pork chop.
- Florida Man arrested for assaulting girlfriend with fried chicken.
- Florida man attacks girlfriend with banana.
Creature Features
- Florida man tries to get alligator drunk, gets bitten.
- Florida man driving car full of stolen mail crashes into trailer full of alpacas.
- Florida man busted for meth, guns and baby gator in truck.
- Florida man breaks into home, blames horse.
- Florida man arrested in park for “practicing
karate on swans. - Florida man grabs gator, chases customers in-store while on beer run.
- Florida man attacked trying selfie with squirrel.
- Florida man steals neighbor’s peacock, gets chased by angry birds.
- Florida man, drunk and stoned, pulls down pants, says he’ll kill cops and rape their K9.
- Florida man tries to shoot puppy, puppy shoots him instead.
Only the Lonely
- Florida man arrested after botched castration surgery.
- Florida man steals 75 pool floats so he can have sex with them.
- Florida man swings dildo at cops.
- Florida man dressed as banana arrested for whipping out his “banana.”
- Florida man asks public for help looking for his 18-foot banana.
It Seemed Like a Good Idea
- Naked Florida man drinks 2 liters of vodka, burns down house baking cookies on George Foreman Grill.
- Florida man steals $33,000 of rare coins, redeems at Coinstar for $30.
- Thieving Florida man gets arm stuck in church donation box.
- Florida man reports dead body by taking skull to Publix, using it as a hand puppet.
- Florida man tries to rob Publix with a stapler.
- Florida man with state tattooed on his head calls 911 for ride home.
- Florida man steals excavator, goes for joyride, crashes into Walmart.
- Florida man pours salt on Walmart floor to get rid of “evil spirits” around him.
- 350-pound Florida man tries to steal two TVs from Walmart, trips after pants fall down.
- Florida man threatens man with ax, steals and crashes car, found naked hiding in chicken coop.
- Florida man with hatchet hits other Florida man in head over spilled beer.
- Knife-wielding Florida man attacks wrong person, former MMA fighter.
- Florida man gets beat up by the Easter Bunny.
- Florida man elected President of the United States.
