By Scott Sullivan
Editor
Going Ape
British scientists say new footage of west African chimps sharing fermented breadfruit suggests booze may link them and man to a common ancestor.
“For humans,” said Anna Bowland, a University of Exeter ecologist and lead author of a paper in the journal Current Biology, “we know drinking alcohol leads to release of dopamine and endorphins, and resulting feelings of happiness and relaxation.”
Those and other things, depending on how much breadfruit.
“We also know,” she went on, “that sharing alcohol, including through traditions such as feasting, helps to form and strengthen social bonds.
“Now we know that wild chimpanzees are eating and sharing ethanolic fruits, the question is: could they be getting similar benefits?” her paper asks.
U.S. Sen. Rand Paul, the Kentucky libertarian whose yearly Festivus Report skewers government spending on what he deems frivolous research, can back down on this one. It’s the Brits studying drunken monkeys.
Lacking my own grant to fly to Guinea-Bissau’s Cantanhez National Park to corroborate Bowland’s findings, I headed to Pullman Tavern to conduct my own independent research.
“You again?” said Zeke the Bartender. “Where you been?”
“On sabbatical,” I said.
“Drying out, eh?” he said. “Listen, I got a group coming in from England to study the link between primate and climate change. You’re in luck.”
In walked Bowland with Exeter peer Kimberley Hockings, who published a 2015 paper about how west African chimps stole and drank palm sap alcohol made by humans. Some of those apes became rowdy, like past PT patrons I had observed, whereas Bowland’s study said chimps getting drunk was unlikely as it would harm their survival chances.
“What’ll it be ladies?” I asked affably.
“Breadfruit,” said Anna.
“Palm sap,” Kim ordered.
“I’ll go with Blatz,” I said. Zeke served up a round of each.
“So you published studies 10 years apart contradicting each other?” I asked them.
“No,” Kim said. “We agree that we need to learn more about whether chimps deliberately seek out ethanolic fruits and how they metabolise it. But this behaviour could be the early evolutionary stages of feasting.”
“What’s with the British spellings? I asked.
“We speak English,” said Kim, “not American. Anyway, if so, it suggests the human tradition of feasting may have its origins deep in our evolutionary history.”
“Suggests?” I scoffed. “Why not ‘proves’?”
“Science doesn’t work that way,” explained Anna. “Once you prove something, who’s going to pay you to do more research?”
“Speaking of feasting,” Kim said, “how about another round?”
In walked The Monkees. Well, Mickey at least; the other three band members have evolved into the hereafter. “I’m a believer,” he sang.
“In what?” Zeke asked. “Paying for all this?”
In walked Rand Paul. “As long as it’s not U.S. taxpayers’ money!” he thundered.
“Oh thank you, Guardian of the Treasury,” Mickey mocked him. “How’s the national debt doing since you took office 15 years ago?”
“I blame career politicians,” said Rand.
“Like your daddy, a 12-term Texas congressman and three-time presidential candidate?”
“Kentucky bourbon, straight up,” Rand ordered.
“Can we get back to apes?” Kim asked. “A new Harvard study shows female bonobos bond to fend off male aggressors.”
“How ‘bout a sip of your palm sap?” I said, sidling up to her.
“Creep!” cried Anna, beaning me with a breadfruit.
“Bonobos,” Rand observed, “and chimps are man’s closest biological relatives.”
“What do you know about science?” Kim asked.
“I’m an ophthalmologist,” Rand replied.
“You look like a pessimist to me,” Anna said.
“Let me look in your eyes.”
“Jerk!” Kim slapped him with her palm sap.
In walked Bono. “It’s a beautiful day,” sang the U-2 singer. “What are you fighting for?”
“Truth,” said Kim. “Anna thinks booze makes chimps happy, relaxed and sociable. I say it makes them drunk and raucous. Rand says he’s a scientist who thinks studies like ours are a waste of money. Mickey thinks Rand’s a hypocrite. And this guy,” she pointed at me. “He wants proof.”
“They still haven’t found what they’re looking for,” Bono said.
“I’m looking for who pays,” said Zeke.
Science marches on.
