LaFayette Sun

Humor by Bill Frazer: DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

Poor use of good talent
Coffee and talk isn’t cheap
The News dress code has changed during my life

How can a 93 year-old possibly make sense of things going on in our modern times? If you were born in the 1920’s, could you understand how a 4-inch screen has taken over the world? I thought I was the best dad in the world when I invested in a set of Encyclopedias, and now my grandkids literally have all the information of the world in the palm of their millennial hands.

Because of my unique perspective of living in ELEVEN different decades, I thought I’d point out how certain things have changed over the years.

Let’s start with that device y’all call a telephone. Not only were our telephone cords attached to the wall, but we had to call a switchboard to get connected to our neighbors. Later, and some will remember this, we had to poke our fingers in a rotary dial and pray no one had a “0” in their number as it took five minutes to dial.

In all the decades, dancing has always been a popular pastime. I used to enjoy the Lawrence Welk Show on TV, and even now I will get on YouTube and watch couples dancing the Polka or the Jitterbug or the ChaCha. But never did it occur to me that a dancing couple would be something other than a man and a woman. I read somewhere that a female-female couple almost won “Dancing with the Stars” last month. As I’ve stated often, I’m too wise to judge and too old to care, but it certainly confuses me.

When did coffee become a $7 necessity? Maxine and I still drink a small cup of Folgers in the morning. It consists of 2 teaspoons of Folgers crystals and a mug of hot tap water. The $10 Folgers container holds about 50 servings, so I calculate that to be two pennies a cup. Two pennies. People don’t even pick quarters off the sidewalk now. I tipped someone with a dollar the other day and you would have thought I gave him a Kleenex. Anyway, my grandkids’ coffee orders sound like another language: Triple, Venti, Soy, No Foam Latte. Most of them don’t even have jobs, but they MUST spend $7 for liquid I can’t pronounce.

Speaking of Starbucks, I don’t understand why companies have all become activists. When did a company feel the need to preach to me about values? At the very least I don’t trust you, and more than that I just want to buy coffee for my spoiled grandkid. Make it taste good; I don’t need you to save the world.

Another thing that befuddles me is the dress code we’ve all decided is okay. In the 50’s, Maxine used to wear dresses up to the collar bone and below the knee. She looked beautiful and left a lot to my imagination. These days I can’t even watch Fox news without seeing a low-cut blouse and enough makeup to hide any signs of age or ugly. Basically, they want us to see clearly what’s below the neck but hide everything above the neck. My friend Ed agreed but somehow we’re all still watching.

Here’s another point of confusion. Most of you know I love trains. Just the sound of one takes me back to my childhood and time spent with my grandfather at the station. So when did graffiti on box cars become a thing? Couldn’t the painter’s artistic talents be put to better use? These hooligans are actually losing money after buying the supplies, and I’m just guessing they don’t have a good job. It’s really a poor business decision on their part, not to mention they’re defacing property. Along this line, I’m going to throw in that getting tattoos is also a bad business decision. Graffiti on the body The more I know the less I understand. I hope all these caffeinated, open-minded millennials know what they’re doing. I’ll close with this joke: What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?.. I asked for coffee.

Leave a Reply