My father would occasionally remind me that the older I got the better I would have to dress so I wouldn’t look like an old codger.
Then he would point to someone and quietly add: “That fellow over there, he is not a good example to follow.”
From time to time I remember his admonishment and, near the end of December, I decided to get started on one of my New Year’s Resolutions: I cleaned out my closet. I will remain a card-carrying member of “The Olds,” but perhaps I won’t look quite so much like a shabby, down-at-the-heels codger. With luck, I will not make it into the rogues’ gallery of shoppers at big box deep discount stores who believes a cheap price is all that matters.
There are other reasons for this spiffing up. I have noticed a lot of men or women, once they get to retirement age, and especially after they have lost their spouse, sort of quit caring about their appearance. It doesn’t seem to matter as much as it once did.
That’s why one of my new year’s resolutions is to wear a tie several days each week as well as keep my shoes polished. I don’t see many people during the week, so I am not trying to impress. I am doing it for myself.
Worse, putting a little effort into our appearance can lead to jealous criticism. We will return to that in a few paragraphs.
Late last year, U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, after seeing too much bad behavior on airplanes, dared to publicly suggest people dress more appropriately before boarding.
He made what seems to me a very reasonable suggestion. Instead of wearing pajama bottoms or something else that looks slovenly in public, if people dressed up more, there was a good chance they would act better.
That seemed rational to me, but was not universally received with great joy and gladness. There were, of course, some who quietly whispered, “About time!” They whispered because they did not want to be accused of elitism.
Of course, Duffy was accused his suggestion smacked of right-wing propaganda. Others called it racist, colonialist or ageist. Some thought it was another example of government overreach. How dare someone in Washington tell ME how to dress. It was a Trump-agenda conspiracy to further divide the country. You get the idea: some people did not like it; others did.
Defiance spread on social media: No one is going to tell me what to wear. I will do what I want, when I want and wherever I want. A few passengers adopted the defiant defensive mode; they were quick to challenge anyone who gave them a disapproving look.
For many people, especially The Olds, this idea brought back memories of dress codes in schools. Those codes included the colors and length of hair styles. For girls, it was skirt length. In some parochial schools it included a quick check to make sure no girl was wearing patent leather shoes because they might reflect her “unawares” as undergarments were sometimes called.
Once, when our junior high principal issued a decree about the overwhelming smell of Hai Karate and Brut aftershave, and listing other brands henceforth forbidden, some fellows sabotaged his ideas about fresh air. For breakfast on school days they had baked beans and ultra-spicy Vienna sausages. Others swallowed a clove or two of garlic. I will leave results to your imagination.
The British have a unique way of dealing with this sort of mischief; their police can slap an offender with an ASBO (Anti-Social Behavior Order.) It is meant as a way of shaming any perpetrator but it soon became a competitive source of pride when teenagers decided they wanted to chase the honor getting the most ASBO’s.
The Chinese are a far more hardcore, using a method straight out of Orwell’s “1984.” Anyone who doesn’t fall-in to obey the straight government line can start losing social credits. Lose too many points and it is no internet for you, buddy-boy, and no right to travel back home for the annual Watermelon Festival.
Trying to restrict and repress human behavior never works, at least for long. We just figure out ways to outwit those in charge. We even admire them, which explains the success of movies like “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” or “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” or TV shows like “Hogan’s Heroes” or “Sgt. Bilko.” Slackers and saboteurs always find a way to push back.
Now back to my friend whose husband died. After a spell or mourning. she started looking and acting like her old self. She went to the beauty shop to have her hair overhauled, started wearing “good clothes” instead of a housecoat when she went out, and “did her face” even on days even when she wasn’t planning to leave her house.
It made some of her friends uncomfortable (perhaps it was jealousy) and they teased her about being a cougar on the prowl for a new man. That teasing and criticism troubled her.
She and my now-late wife Pat talked about it. Pat asked why she was making the effort to spiff up, if she was really on the prowl, trying to make her friends jealous or just doing it for herself. Her answer was the third one and Pat encouraged her to keep it up.
She did, criticism and jealousy wilted away and her women friends began seeing her as an inspiration to do a better job at self-care.
Men work on themselves too. Looking good made my father feel good. It elevated his mood and sparked his creativity.
In his mid-80s, after the retirement home administration where he and Mother were living took away his motorcycle, he decided to take up oil painting.
One day in the art room he asked if they offered figure painting with live models. For artists, that can be code for nude models. They threw him out of the class.
In the crafts room he asked the instructor if he could teach how to make fireworks. He got booted from there too.
Another time, he phoned asking me to buy exhaust whistles to put in tailpipes of the home’s security vehicles. I did and he did. Security is probably still scratching their heads.
The year the monthly fee was raised, he asked the treasurer what white mice cost. When the bagman asked why, Father said he needed a new source of income and wanted to raise them in the second bedroom. The answer was “no” and management sent out a memo to tell the rest of the inmates not to try it.
Father was an incorrigible anarchist because, or so he claimed, he wore a tie. A tie made him feel good and was his secret source of power, so he wanted to share the fun, not sit around waiting to fall off his perch.
That included posting ersatz official-looking flyers that said “Official Notice. Do not remove” on the facility’s bulletin boards, and a few on downtown phone poles.
Secretary Duffy’s drive to dress better is a small part of a bigger challenge. That problem gets at least partially resolved when we make a point to notice people who are inspiring, and to inspire others.
For 2026, I made a resolution to notice at least one person per day who is an inspiration. It does not have to be sartorial elegance; it can be anything positive that makes even an incremental dent in a world too often focused on the negative. I will tell them I appreciate what they’re doing. My second resolution is much like that: to do what I can to set a decent example.
Want to join me? We won’t change the world, but we might make it a more enjoyable place.
