By Scott Sullivan
Editor
The New Messiahs
Larry Klayman, Esq., emailed my spam folder three times Saturday claiming he needs $22.6K in the next 10 days to save America.
Under “Join Larry Klayman’s Holy War Against Rogue Judges!” he invites: “Dear Patriot, America is under siege, and President Trump’s fight to secure our borders is being sabotaged by radical federal judges who mock YOUR vote!”
MY vote! It’s an outrage!
“This week alone,” he goes on:
“• William Orrick in San Francisco blocked Trump’s plan to defund sanctuary cities on April 24, protecting criminal illegals over American lives!
“• Paul Xinis and Stephanie Gallagher in Maryland ordered gang-affiliated Venezuelans back to our streets, defying Trump’s deportation orders on April 23!
“• Hannah Dugan in Milwaukee was arrested by the FBI on April 25 for helping an illegal evade ICE — a brazen act of TREASON!
“I’m Larry Klayman,” he goes on, “known as the man who cannot be intimidated and the fearless warrior behind Freedom Watch.”
He’s leading “a divine mission to investigate these judicial traitors and expose their leftist corruption for a game-changing report to the House Judiciary Committee.” But he needs ME to join this fight.
I’ve always wanted to join a holy war and divine mission, but “messiah” begins with “mess” so I’m wary whom I crusade for and against. Especially when JD Vance that same day invoked the deity hitting me up too.
“Friend,” he writes, “As my term as Vice President crosses the 100-day mark, I thank God very day for raising up our movement in victory …
“But the fight against Democrats and their billionaire donors — not to mention Republican billionaire donors, whom Vance doesn’t — must raise $250K in the same 10 days or Democrats could steal heretofore divinely-elected seats.
So many holy causes, so few dollars. But wait, there’s more. James O’Keefe, founder and CEO of the O’Keefe Media Group, warns he must raise $46K “as soon as we can to hire top lawyers and sustain our investigations.”
Into what? O’Keefe, per Wikipedia, founded Project Veritas (Latin for “Truth”), a far-right activist group that uses deceptively-edited videos and information-gathering techniques to attack mainstream media and progressive groups.”
Turn their tactics against them? Smart.
James founded OMG after the Project Veritas board ousted him for “financial malfeasance with donor money.” Talk about traitors!
Then of course I must save Pete Hegseth. “THEY ARE MAKING HIM PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE TO THE DC SWAMP” the website Human Events apprises me.
If anyone needs salvation it’s the ex-Fox News talking head turned Defense Secretary who survived allegations of sexual misconduct, financial mismanagement and drunkenness leading up to his confirmation.
“They,” decrees Human Events, “are DETERMINED to end him once and for all. As a Patriot, we need you to show your support for Pete Hegseth before midnight! Or America risks losing him PERMANENTLY!”
I could live with that. What I can’t abide with is using all-capped boldface print with exclamation points to shout at, not converse with, me.
This appeal was paid for by “Jeff Crank for Congress.” Crank, an ex-radio talk show host turned pol, knows communicating that way works.
So Larry has 10 days to hustle up $22.6K or rogue judges will sabotage our borders, J.D. needs $25K in the same 10 days or Democrats could win the next election, James wants $46K ASAP to sustain his investigations and Crank, on behalf of Hegseth, wants whatever’s left.
As if this weren’t enough,
“Did you know 50,000 of your brain cells die every day?” another in my spam file said. “If you’re over 50 and forget a name, misplace your keys or just feel foggy all the time, that means your brain cells are dying faster.”
Not to worry. “An ear pinch clears up brain fog in 8 seconds,” it says. Hippocampus cell invaders between your fingers and better memory clicks in. Don’t believe it? Heed “the 17,789 Americans who report boosted brain power from this, their clouds finally lifted.
“The secret,” the site said, “is in your ears.” I need this but at what cost? I am grateful deaf.
